Doubt on the Spiriutal Journey

What is on my mind?

Katie Moum, Unsplash

photographer

How does doubt affect me when grief knocks on my door?

At the Poetry Friday Roundup on November 2nd, one of Tricia Stohr-Hunt's lines in her burning haibun prose struck me. "I am only moving, carrying the weight of my own doubt."  I immediately paused to reflect on this thought and evening dreams (sometimes nightmares) that have been burdening me. I knew that I needed to be mindful. A mindful pause led to an intense pondering of my initial question above. With raw thoughts that fell from my heart, I quickly wrote a Golden Shovel poem using Tricia's lines below in italics as my strike line.

What is hiding deep in my soul?

As grief quickly enters and leaves repeatedly,     I

ponder its affect on my daily living.                         Am

I masking my fears and doubts,                                only

spending time worrying and                                    moving

as I try to manage my life that is now                      carrying

the heaviness of each day? Can I accomplish     the

task of handling my loss and dealing with the   weight

of loneliness in this chapter of life? Waves           of

jabbing grief nestle in the depths of                      my

heart. Is there a veil hiding my                                  own  

fragile, plaguing                                                            doubt?

Response to Grief and Doubt

Trees comforts me during the autumn of        life.

Brilliant colors sparkle while sunshine             is

Felt as a warm blessing, not to be                     changed

By grief. So flutter away doubt. Hope will     not

Be extinguished, nor love                                    ended.

©CVarsalona, 2025, free verse poem

     Dedicated to my husband who recently passed away

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Thank you Patricia J. Franz for hosting this month's Spiritual Journey Thursday that focuses on doubt. I also thank you for sharing the insightful article,“The Drawer Where I Keep My Doubts” .

"Doubt, hesitation, unfinished questions, 'small hauntings'—

these aren’t failures of willpower, but the raw material of growth."  -Jeff DeGraff, Professor, author, essayist

Patricia asked an excellent question.

"Where does doubt fit into your spiritual journey?" 

The word, doubt, has been like a seed waiting to grow. It took root long before my husband passed away. It came and went like a roaring storm that gave no warning. Sometimes, it lingered in my mind without me knowing it. Other times, I pushed it aside when I found inspirational thoughts that gave me hope, such as the one below.

And so, friends, I am ready to move on once again, regardless of doubts that I hope to toss away.  I look forward to reading your blog posts on doubt. Enjoy the coming weekend.

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