Dear Slicer Friends,
Life is full of bumps in the road that challenge the heart and cause anxiety. There have been small bumps and huge ones in my lifetime, but I weathered the traumas along the way with my husband for 48 years until last year.
I am sharing the beginning of a lament poem that I wrote last year. A sudden illness that we thought was from weight loss with Ozempic led to a traumatic series of decline that occurred within less than a month. I felt as though I was walking on the edge of darkness.
(c) CVarsalona, 2026
Loss and grief are difficult emotions to handle amongst the ordinary and not-so-ordinary happenings of last year. Each stage of my bereavement journey took me through dark passages and weird dreams. In the beginning, everything seemed unreal because of the unexpected diagnosis that echoed like a foghorn. My husband's body was ravaged by a rare, incurable form of cancer in the pancreas. The continuous decline and sleepless nights broke his spirit. We hardly had time to deal with the big picture with his constant infusions and falls. Then, the end drew near. The family felt the sting of what was to come. Friends in the community formed a team. Dinners were delivered. Prayers were ongoing. Family was supportive. Devoted priests and staff offered spiritual support, a lovely memorial mass, and a luncheon for all those who attended the ceremony. The beginning part of my journey was surreal. Thankfully, writing seems to bring a sense of calmness to my mind, spirit, and body, so I write to help the sting of loss go away.
Thank you to those in the Two Writing Teachers community who listen and comment.
Day2, March 2, 2026
12th year with Two Writing Teachers
Lament. This is the second time in two days that the word has captured my attention. Your lament poem and paired photograph have stopped me to reflect deeply on how our faith can be both tested and a source of comfort at the same time. Sending warm wishes on your continuing journey.
ReplyDeleteCarol, I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the nature of grief that comes and goes like waves on the shore, never really leaving but sometimes receding just a little bit before it returns with a mighty wave crashing around. I admire your writing and your openness about what you are going through - it is a testament to your strength to share, and a healthy way to do the hard work of the heart - which I know your husband would want you to do. I believe he is cheering you from heaven, a tear in his eye, saying, "That's my girl!" Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart, Carol. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I pray that writing this month will bring you connection and healing.
ReplyDeleteDiane (newtreemom)
ReplyDeleteMy heart knows, too. Those early days, that first year. Keep writing, keep living.
Carol, nothing prepares us for the loss of a loved one. I don't know of anything that tears at the heart more than watching one we love suffer and knowing there is nothing we can do for that person. That is where the support of our community and faith community become so important. It tells us that we are not alone. Others are there for us. I guess I am thinking ahead to Leigh Anne's prompt of strength for Thursday. We all have strength within us even though at times it may be hard to find. Bob
ReplyDeleteCarol, I am five months in to my grief journey after losing my husband, Chuck, in September after an 18-day hospital stay. It was a rare upper GI cancer that took his life. He never had a chance. Thank you for sharing your grief and lament. It is comforting to read words from someone who truly knows the heartache and what it feels like to be a club we never wanted to join. I wish you peace in your continued journey. I realize now it never ends.
ReplyDeleteOh Carol - I am so, so sorry. There is such beauty and pain in your writing, and in your poem. Have you read Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking?" Sending you positive energy and good wishes.
ReplyDeleteCarol, I'm so sorry for your loss, so sorry that you have had to walk this valley of grief. I've had to walk that valley and Psalm 23 often helped me stabilize. Hugs!
ReplyDelete