As the night trickles from sunshine to a darkened sky, grief knocks on my door again. It pecks at my soul and washes away yesterday's warmth. I question its pounding return. What makes you nestle in my heart, wave upon wave? --- Once again I quietly fall asleep holding my computer in my lap. Two hours later I wake perplexed by this constant reoccurrence.
Morning light awakens me. Spotted visions of a continual dream series rattles me. I turn to my laptop with the hope that writing will calm the feelings of loss. Thanks to Chris Margocs' May Spiritual Journey invitation, I turn my thoughts to the topic of transitions and celebrations. A new prayer finds its way into my bereaving heart. "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10
The ending of my husband's life one year ago is troubling but Chris' inspirational quote from Seneca along with faith and hope brightens my future journey. "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
Advice from my bereavement counselor:
"Time doesn't erase the past, but it provides the space to think about the person you're grieving, heal from the loss, and find meaning in life".
Reminder from my last bereavement session:
"Significant events such as grief anniversaries can feel daunting and can lead to feeling painful emotions more intensely than usual."
Inspirational Quote from Washington Irving:
There is sacredness in tears. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
So, I end my Spiritual Journey post with new thoughts after the first anniversary of my Richard's passing. I hope to start a new beginning by bringing calmness into my days, shifting my focus from what was to what is, and trusting God to lead the way.
Thank you, Chris Magocs, host,
and my Fellow Journey Takers
News of the Week: I happily checked my Spring Seeds Grace April Padlet and found eight poet friends, Verreno Diane Anderson, Ramona Behnke, Jill Dailey, Patricia J. Franz, Mary Lee Hahn, Bob Hamera, Denise Krebs, and Joyce Ray, who added their creative image poems. There is still time to add your original artistic expression related to the theme, if you are interested and have time.
Carol, I was definitely thinking of you when I wrote the paragraph on grief. You are one of three friends who have lost spouses this past year, and my heart goes out to you all. Your post is one that I will pocket away, because grief knows no strangers.
ReplyDeleteChris, I appreciate your paragraph on grief and remembering me in a gentle, friendly way. "Grief knows no strangers." You never know when it unexpectedly finds its way to live within. What hurts is that this summer marks my 50th anniversary and we had thoughts on renewing our vows. I know that I will mark that day as one of my cherished times.
DeleteCarol, special anniversaries bring about special grief when we have lost someone we love. Memories of happy times we shared together fill our hearts with joy. Both can and do cause tears. Both are valid. Tears are an outward sign of the great love that was shared. May the hope you express lead you forward. Bob
ReplyDeletePraying for you in this tough anniversary, Carol! <3 Ruth, thereisnosuchthingasagodforsakentown.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteRuth, I always appreciate comments. Your response is supportive because I know prayers matter. Thank you for support.
DeleteDear Carol - I came late to the SJT posting and commenting, but I am here, reading the outpouring of your heart and knowing just how exhausting grief is. I know fresh grief "flows like waterfalls" with the anniversary of Richard's death. Your honesty is a comfort to those suffering great loss. Despite the shattering pain and tears, there can indeed be "restored hope" to fill one's soul. I marvel at, and take heart from, the new thoughts you come to: "I hope to start a new beginning by bringing calmness into my days, shifting my focus from what was to what is, and trusting God to lead the way." So beautiful and graceful a testimony. I note that your 50th wedding anniversary is this summer. Even though Richard is not here on this Earth to celebrate it with you, he is in the abode of the eternal, as in the ending of Shelley's elegy to Keats:
ReplyDeleteWhilst, burning through the inmost veil of Heaven,
The soul of Adonais, like a star,
Beacons from the abode where the Eternal are.
His soul lives, and love lives...and it will still be your 50th anniversary. I hope you will be able to celebrate it for all the golden years you had together, and in light of the Lord's sustaining grace. My thoughts and prayers remain with you, my friend.
Carol, your poem is beautiful, and the second stanza situated over that stunning sunset is a perfect visual of restored hope. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteI love "love and faith walk with me," Carol... Your faith sustains like the steady seasons. What a gift, that they accompany us and offer healing.
ReplyDeleteIt is one thing to know that faith is with you on this journey, but another thing to give yourself over to the process. Grief is a process. I totally thought I had done the whole grieving over my mother, but Mother’s Day and the sweet comment from my cousin “Is this your first Mother’s Day without your mother?” Sent me into a wave again. But it is easier to handle the waves. They don’t crush me. I can let them wash over me. I can’t imagine losing a life partner. The waves must be higher and stronger. Thanks for sharing your faith journey, your grief journey with us. I hope in some small way we comfort you.
ReplyDelete