The days of Lent 2025 have brought me to another phase of my spiritual journey. The urgencies of life have intermingled with the role of caregiving for my beloved husband of 48 years. From mid-February to the first days of April, Richard suffered from a silent disease, a rare type of cancer, a neuroendocrine tumor of the pancreas that metastasized to the liver. His life was filled with celebrations, challenges, and devotion to his family.
Family, neighbors, friends, and the medical care of the Virginia Cancer Specialists helped Richard navigate the reality of his life. As with any cancer disease, there were challenges, sorrows, and a tremendous amount of unease. Faith and hope led me forward as I tried to be a caregiver.
When I heard that my Spiritual Journey community of writers and poets under the direction of Ruth Hersey were writing poems of lament, I knew the Lord was with me. I desired to write but each day as a caregiver left me with little time to write. Thoughts were floating in my head, waiting for spaces of time to let my heart speak on the theme of lament during Richard's and my Lenten journey. The lament format can be found in the Bible Psalms. There are approximately 65 Psalms in the Bible that are poems of lament. These poems express sorrow, grief, pleas for help, and deliverance to God. They address the Lord, share complaints, express emotions, ask for the Divine help, and vow to continue to trust, hope, and praise.
My lament poem narrates the ending days of my beloved husband's life. His quality of life was compromised but through the kindness of the medical teams, family, and friends he found his way to unburden his sorrow. With hope and faith surrounding him, Richard was provided a forever resting place.
Last Days of Richard's Spiritual Journey
In the sterile silence,
Drifting words rose
From the depths of his soul
Into the morning light.
I wish I had four more months!
The ordeal of terminal illness,
Filled his eyes with unquestionable fear.
I prayed seeking answers.
When will this sorrow end, Lord?
Between restless sleep and days
Of not eating or barely drinking,
He whispered to me,
You know what is happening!
My heart broke hearing the truth.
How could I soothe his tattered soul?
Tears continued to flow; inner turmoil
increased. Cancer tore his soul as
Sorrow sneaked into the room
Splitting quiet in half.
Be gentle with your breath!
Let go of fears!
Repetitive requests to take medicine
were negated. Agitation increased.
Lord, please hear my prayer!
With haste, an on-call oncologist advised
An emergency hospital visit.
The 911 team responded within minutes.
Uneasiness floated through the air.
Time slipped by as the ravaged body
Fought for some renewed comfort.
The plea to return home became impossible.
When did months turn into days, Lord?
Three days later, a transport arrived
For his journey to the hospice center,
A place of serene quiet. Life
Unexpectedly turned a corner.
Tears fell like dewdrops in spring.
The inevitable happened.
Nurses gathered; the chaplain prayed.
The priest performed the last rites.
Hope soared upward on the
Ever-present wings of love.
The hands of the Lord opened
Offering the gift of a forever home.
Praise to you, Lord, for the blessing!
His spirit ascended into the inked sky.
Draft ©CVarsalona, April 2025
↴
life was shortened
unforeseen happening
nature shared its blooms.
©CVarsalona, 2025 photo and poem
Stop by to be dazzled by Irene's poems and many other writers' work.
NOTE: Later today, a Funeral Mass will be held at St. John Neumann Church in Reston, VA. Richard will find his place among the angels and stars.
I will read the roundup blogs when I can.
I add this lament poem to my 2025 National Poetry Month Project.
Oh Carol. I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope your 48 years of memories with him will bring your peace today and in the coming months ahead. Thank you for sharing this lament with us.
ReplyDeleteDear Carol, you are in my thoughts and prayers as you journey through this. This line is achingly beautiful: "His spirit ascended into the inked sky." Sending love. xo
ReplyDeleteYour poem of lament is so real and raw and pleading for more time. I felt the rush at the end, but such a blessing that he didn't suffer long. Now as you face the funeral and the days of being alone, I pray you continue to find solace in our Lord, in knowing you did the best you could, and in the comfort of family.
ReplyDeleteNewtreemom (Diane Anderson)
ReplyDeleteSending prayers and deepest sympathy. May you find comfort in family, friends, and faith. May your own words bring you comfort, too, even as they soothe the hearts of those of us who also have travelled through the end of life journey through cancer with our spouse. May all the wonderful memories of your relationship and shared life fill your heart with love.
Dear Carol, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your poem so accurately speaks of his/your journey stitched together over 48 years of marriage. I saw the same (?) fear in my father's eyes as the end approached. I hope you find comfort in your faith, family, and support from his care team. I'm sure the days ahead will be hard but I'll be thinking of you - and all you did for your beloved husband. Please take care.
ReplyDeleteCarol, you have written so beautifully about your beloved Richard. The suddenness, the fears, the struggle, the support. Yes, this was the perfect time for a lament. This lament. Sending you my admiration and condolences.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to read of the loss of your husband. Your lament moved me, as did your haiku. I hope warm memories of your many years together bring comfort as you grieve. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteCarol, your poem and its juxtaposition with your blossoms poem brings tears to my eyes. Your words are a beautiful, heartfelt tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss. May your husband's memory be a blessing.
ReplyDeleteOh, Carol. So sorry to hear about your loss. Your lament is powerful, so moving, beautiful and sad. Will be thinking of you today at the funeral mass, and hoping you find strength and comfort in the days ahead by reflecting on your 48 years with Richard. I know he'll remain forever in your heart.
ReplyDeleteCarol, I'm raw with emotion reading your poem reflecting on your life with your husband. I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your greatest love.
ReplyDeleteCarol, your poem speaks to the lament of watching your husband in the final days of his life and how your love helped him through this process. Sending you much love.,
ReplyDeleteJone, it is very comforting to look back at comments sent. It is not easy to journey on alone but there are family members and friends who are supportive.
DeleteI love these lines from your lament:
ReplyDelete"Hope soared upward on the
Ever-present wings of love."
Carol, I continue to lift you and your family up in prayer that you may be supported in this difficult season. Your lament captures so many emotions of those final days with Richard. Praise God for his gift of everlasting life.
May your heart find comfort in your faith and precious memories.
Ramona, your prayers and others helps me in these days following the Funeral Mass.
DeleteCarol: Such beautiful words. My heart goes out to you. Blessings...
ReplyDeleteTo whom ever sent this comment, I thank you.
DeleteCarol, I'm so terribly sorry. I'm holding you and your family in my hearts. Your poem really captures the savagery of cancer and grief, but also the peace that love and acceptance can bring. I'm sending love to you.
ReplyDeleteLaura, your words are tender and do capture the days of suffering and love at the end of life.
DeleteCarol, Your beautiful poem moves my soul. I am so sorry for your loss. May the peace of the Lord be with you.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I appreciate your thoughts, especially during Holy Week.
DeleteCarol, I continue to keep you in my prayers. May you find peace and comfort during tis holiest of weeks. Jesue rose from the dead guaranteeing each of us a place in is heavenly kingdom where we will all be together again with our loved ones and free from all earthly pain and suffering. These lines, "The hands of the Lord opened
ReplyDeleteOffering the gift of a forever home" is what we all hope for. Please make sure you take care of yourself during this time of readjustment. Bob
Bob, I think back to the beginning of the March SOLSC#SOL25. I know that I said I would write as much as I could but did not realize that life as a caregiver took every bit of strength. Writing was not written down but thoughts of what to say were constantly within me. Thanks for your forever support. Please fill this week with joy. May Kathy continue to heal.
DeleteOh, Carol, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry. Your lament for your dear husband breaks my heart. Sending love and sympathy and prayers. xo
ReplyDeleteBeautiful poem ❤️
ReplyDeleteCarol, I have spent the morning gathering my thoughts, reading, and rereading your poem. My heart aches for you, and what a beautiful poem you have written to honor the strength and love of your marriage. The image of his spirit ascending into the inked sky will stay with me for a long, long time. May you also find peace as the spring unfolds and you can also rest surrounded by people who love you.
ReplyDeleteCarol, my heart feels heavy with sorrow and sadness over the loss of your beloved Richard. You poem held beautiful words of pain and the anguish both you and Richard felt during that short period of time. Lost love? No. You can never lose somebody who is part of your heart and very soul. Richard will be so missed. You are surrounded by a community who will be there for you. Hugs Carol.
ReplyDeleteCarol, my condolences to you, my friend. I'm so sorry for your loss. Forty-eight years of loving. Richard will be missed as you travel this unwanted new chapter in grace and mercy from a God who is there. Your psalm of lament is heart wrenching. The yearning of the italicized lines are palpable. Peace to you, friend.
ReplyDeleteOh, Carol, I am heartbroken for you and reading this through tears. Thank you for sharing this personal news and for sharing your painfully beautiful lament. I will be carrying you in my heart and keeping you and yours in my prayers as you navigate this season of grief which has come so suddenly.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers that you hear Richard's voice among the song of the angels, Carol. Peace be with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteCarol, it is astonishing to me that you wanted to post today, that you find such solace and support in this group that you came here with your grief and your poems for Richard. I love the idea that "nature shared its blooms" in celebration of his life and of your love for him. Sending you peace even in your sorrowing.
ReplyDeleteCarol, what lament. What a terrible, horrible time. I simply cannot imagine this. You've been in my thoughts and will remain in my prayers. I'm thankful that you can and have turned to writing words of lament. Words connect us. I'm thankful in how you've shared a beautiful part of yours and Richard's story...that idea of a forever home. It's beautiful. I'm wishing you moments of sweet, sweet memory to help in this time of loss. Linda M.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. May God’s peace that passes all understanding be with you and comfort you through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteDear Carol, I have not been keeping up this April, but saw a hint of your loss in your Progressive Poem post, so searched and found this sad news of Richard's passing. Your words are so full of love for him, and, I hope, gave you comfort, too, as you live the day-to-day sorrow. Hugs to you, and to all your family during this saddest of goodbyes.
ReplyDeleteCarol, your way with words through your pain And your faith in God, are so beautiful.
ReplyDelete