Time to Trust

October 1st, opened "as a beautiful, bright autumn day, with air like cider and a sky so blue you could drown in it." – (Diana Gabaldon)  Trees began to change their colors with some reddish and golden hues.  It was time for Lady Autumn to spread her colortones so the season could mature.  She did not hurry through this transition from September to October, yet she opened her heart to couple the natural plan of seasonal movement with the Lord's plan and His gentle blessing for earth. 

In mid-afternoon today, I drove through the countryside to the Capital Caring Adler Center for Caring, the hospice site where my husband passed on. I was in awe of nature's countryside scenery. The quiet of nature's still movements and the beauty of early autumn allowed me time to feel what Henry David Thoreau thought centuries ago, "Heaven is under our feet as well as over our head."  It seemed apparent that Nature was not hurrying through the transition of seasons. I was to trust in the slow work of God.  While not a patient person since childhood, I finally found that being in the present moment is a positive self-care choice to slow down. I trusted that my journey on the spiritual journey would bring a sense of peace.  While feeling the progression of ups and downs along with perpetual in-and-out grief, I knew I needed to take a giant pause.

When arriving at the Adler Center this afternoon, I delivered the flower bouquets for patients and staff that were created by my Creekside Cares community. I then decided to pause and walk the beautiful grounds searching for the labyrinth maze my bereavement counselor told me about. The pathway and benches offered mindfulness in the moment time with the art of being calm. My son said a prayer for his father before entering the labyrinth. There was peace in the air as the birds chirped and the sun continued to send its rays to earth. In those moments of remembrance, I wished my husband could have shared the beauty of this autumn day in a setting that God had blessed, but life is what it is.  I know now how vital it is to put my trust in the Lord's hand and honor His plan.  

Once again, I look back to January and my one word, restore. At that time, I needed hope to restore my soul, revive my heart, and renew my life in every part.  Now at this time of year, I realize it is a necessity to add trust as another goal. I need to slow down and believe that God is gradually forming a new spirit within me.  I want trust to become a sacred word, so I shall lean on the Lord who is my strength and my song - Isaiah 12:2.  

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Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, hosted by Patricia Franz. She asked the community to reflect upon the following prompt on trust, "Where, how are you trusting - or struggling to trust - in the slow work of God?  Patricia offered us a beautiful prayer, Patient Trust by Pierre Teilhand de Chardin, SJ. I have read this prayer many times tonight. I hope you join Patricia and other writers in the community.

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I incorporated Poetry Friday with my Spiritual Journey Thursday blog post because my just-for-me time is always sparse. I thank Margaret Simon for hosting the PF Roundup this week. You can find that here. Once you are in her website you may also be interested in reading Margaret's post on trust. You can find that here.

Now that we are entering October, I hope many of my colleagues will offer your creative work for Autumn's Ephemeral Gold Gallery of Artistic Expressions. The invitation can be found here and the padlet here.

Spritual Journey Thursday: Service, Poetry Friday, and an Invitation

Lent is a 40-day solemn season for Christians.  During this time, prayer and fasting are traditions. As a child, I fasted without chocolate (a luxury for me), but over the years, I learned that praying and helping others are key. The beautiful ceremony of Holy Thursday becomes a day of service, serving, and humility.

This month's Spiritual Journey Thursday is hosted by our teacher/poet, Ruth Hersey. She chose the word "service" as our theme, based on the ceremony of Maundy Thursday/Holy Thursday's washing of the feet ritual. 

My son, sister, and I attended the Holy Thursday evening ceremony at St. John Neuwmann's Church tonight. Upon arrival, the washing of the feet stations were set up in six areas of the church. I was amazed by the large choir, beautiful voices, and an orchestra. My husband would have been equally surprised when learning that his name appeared on the bulletin and was also mentioned during the solemn Mass. 

A year has passed since his memorial mass on April 2, 2025. I am grateful for  Pastor Father Michael Murray, who sent me a beautiful Mass card stating that my husband would be honored at the 2026 Holy Thursday service. I also thank Father Sleeva, who provided a beautiful memorial service last year for Richard, and will be at the Holy Thursday Mass.

On April 2, 2026, I started to reflect on this beautiful piece of artwork, Washing of the Feet Ceremony. Please read the nonet poem below ( refreshed and refined since 2023).

Christ Washing the Disciples’ Feet. by  Rembrandt van Rijn(between 1640-1650) with a reed pen and brown ink. Some areas were deliberately rubbed with a wet finger or wet brush, framing lines in greyish-brown ink ©Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

On Serving

Jesus came to serve, not to be served.

As a great leader, He acted

with gentle, loving kindness

and caring for others.

Through His clear actions,

He modeled how 

to offer

love to

us.

©CVarsalona, 2026

As I continue to work on restoring my soul and reviving my heart, I hope that love will be my special tool. Realizing that there is a season and time for birth and a time to die, planting seeds of love and hope will renew my life in every part. (Ideas and words come from Ecclesiastes 3 and the song, Restore My Heart.)

Thursday was a day of memories, service, and peaceful intentions for my husband. I joined the Creekside Cares committee to create small bouquets for 15 hospice rooms at the Adler House and vases of flowers for 6 neighbors. It is the place of repose that my husband was transported to last year. I remember the tears, shock, and last rites given to Richard as his body lay in the room that overlooked the meditation garden. He was quiet but not alone. My daughter and I were at his bedside with the nurses. I continue to reflect upon that night., I realize that there were many caregivers and spiritual leaders who offered their service to bring peace into the silence of a room. Service is the kindness we give to others, as was shown during the Holy Thursday Mass. The priest who said the mass spoke of the ceremony as the washing of feet love. What we can do for others is not only providing a service but fill it with love, as indicated at the ceremony. 

With sincerity, I pray that the light of Holy Week will wash away some worries, increase love, and bring peace to other families who have deceased relatives that need remembrance.

Spiritual Journey Thursday

hosted by Ruth Hersey

April 3, 2026's Poetry Friday is hosted

by the marvelous, award-winning poet Matt Forrest Esenwine.

Matt is celebrating the book anniversary of his 12th book, a beautiful children's anthology, A Universe of Rainbows, with a star list of fabulous poets. 

INVITATION during National Poetry Month

Day 2-3/30

Join me this April as I look back on my Gallery of Artistic Expressions, Spring Seeds, which was originally unveiled in July of 2016. (Yes, time passes swiftly.) If interested, please write a poem and/or add a photo regarding Spring Seeds Grace April and post it on the new padlet. (https://padlet.com/cvarsalona/spring-seeds-grace-april-iqgitngvyfqwch7b) I will gather the gifts of verse to create a new gallery of artistic expressions. Perhaps, you will find one of your poems or photos residing in the 2016 Gallery (click the link on the 1st line of the invitation).

Let your imagination take you on a journey throughout National Poetry Month.

Doubt on the Spiriutal Journey

What is on my mind?

Katie Moum, Unsplash

photographer

How does doubt affect me when grief knocks on my door?

At the Poetry Friday Roundup on November 2nd, one of Tricia Stohr-Hunt's lines in her burning haibun prose struck me. "I am only moving, carrying the weight of my own doubt."  I immediately paused to reflect on this thought and evening dreams (sometimes nightmares) that have been burdening me. I knew that I needed to be mindful. A mindful pause led to an intense pondering of my initial question above. With raw thoughts that fell from my heart, I quickly wrote a Golden Shovel poem using Tricia's lines below in italics as my strike line.

What is hiding deep in my soul?

As grief quickly enters and leaves repeatedly,     I

ponder its affect on my daily living.                         Am

I masking my fears and doubts,                                only

spending time worrying and                                    moving

as I try to manage my life that is now                      carrying

the heaviness of each day? Can I accomplish     the

task of handling my loss and dealing with the   weight

of loneliness in this chapter of life? Waves           of

jabbing grief nestle in the depths of                      my

heart. Is there a veil hiding my                                  own  

fragile, plaguing                                                            doubt?

Response to Grief and Doubt

Trees comforts me during the autumn of        life.

Brilliant colors sparkle while sunshine             is

Felt as a warm blessing, not to be                     changed

By grief. So flutter away doubt. Hope will     not

Be extinguished, nor love                                    ended.

©CVarsalona, 2025, free verse poem

     Dedicated to my husband who recently passed away

🍁🍃🍂

Thank you Patricia J. Franz for hosting this month's Spiritual Journey Thursday that focuses on doubt. I also thank you for sharing the insightful article,“The Drawer Where I Keep My Doubts” .

"Doubt, hesitation, unfinished questions, 'small hauntings'—

these aren’t failures of willpower, but the raw material of growth."  -Jeff DeGraff, Professor, author, essayist

Patricia asked an excellent question.

"Where does doubt fit into your spiritual journey?" 

The word, doubt, has been like a seed waiting to grow. It took root long before my husband passed away. It came and went like a roaring storm that gave no warning. Sometimes, it lingered in my mind without me knowing it. Other times, I pushed it aside when I found inspirational thoughts that gave me hope, such as the one below.

And so, friends, I am ready to move on once again, regardless of doubts that I hope to toss away.  I look forward to reading your blog posts on doubt. Enjoy the coming weekend.

🍁🍃🍂

Poetry Friday Friends, I started this week excited to dig deep into my poet-author friend Laura Purdie Salas' upcoming book, Furry, Float, and Fly!  It is a seasonal beauty, and I was ready to write a book review. But as life can throw some bumps in the road, my plans were taken over by grief surrounding me and my friends. I finished my Spiritual Journey blog post with good intentions, but time did not permit it. I hope to finish my review of Laura's fabulous book and have it ready for her publication date, Tuesday. Meanwhile, please visit Laura's welcome to the Poetry Friday Roundup that you can find here at her blog. Enjoy Laura's winter thoughts, NCTE presenter news, and excitement for her book's birthday day. You will also find many blogs that are filled with poetic goodness from Poetry Friday friends.

Celebrating Life With Family

What is life without a loving family? 

Ever since I was a child, I felt the closeness of family even during challenging times. This year, during springtime, sorrow and loss unexpectedly interrupted our family life when my husband Richard fell prey to an incurable, silent disease. Cancer swept across his body as quickly as mighty waves moving across the ocean. My family withstood the rush of anguish and a heart-rending situation, yet we prepared for a family trip to the Atlantic Ocean in Cape May, New Jersey, and the south shore of Long Island, NY, to honor my husband's life. 

As we drove to the ocean sites, I followed the inspiration of Albert Einstein. "Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life". We felt the glow of sunshine streaming down on us as wind-driven waves rushed in with diamond-sparkling effects and quickly returned seaward. The first seaside landing in Cape Map allowed our extended family to enjoy the children frolicking in the water, the delicious seafood, and creamery ice cream delights. We lived life as a summer vacation should be, and yet we remembered that one member of the group was missing. 

As our immediate family traveled north to Long Island, we eagerly prepared for the Celebration of Life ceremony at Jones Beach's Field 6. The beach was quiet. As we moved closer to the ocean, we watched the constant flow and backrush of ocean waves. The ebb and flow of the tides brought peace to the ceremony. Readers' words flowed across the sea. My mind floated like the waves, not about sorrowful days but to present moments. The seagulls flew across the South Shore beach, squawking in tune with the crash of the waves. The magnificent ocean at Jones Beach, Long Island, NY, offered a private place to honor a man with whom I spent close to 49 years of marriage. I was present, my mind was cleared of daily busyness, and I seemed to float with the rhythm of the tides as I looked across the horizon.

not a day to mourn

but one to celebrate life

peaceful souls connect

©CV, July 31, 2025 

I now think of that day at the majestic ocean. We brought the immediate family together and linked our souls with Richard's. There was a powerful release of tension, loneliness, and grief. "Ocean separates lands, not souls".  (Munia Khan) 

" Say not in grief ' he is no more' but in thanfulness that he was."

Hebrew Proverb 

For me, without family, life spins in an unsettled world.

I am thankful for my family, their love, and support,

and the tiny heart shell that was my heaven-sent sign at the shore.

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday (SJT). Leigh Anne Eck is our host today. She chose the prompt, family, for each writer to ponder. This is a powerful prompt for me. Please visit her blog post here to enjoy the blog posts on "family". Leigh Anne is sharing about her Mother, who recently passed away. My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family.

I am also sending this blog post to Molly Hogan at Nix the Comfort Zone. I have missed the last two Poetry Friday Roundups because we were enjoying 9 days of celebrating my husband's life. Now, I am ready to settle down and find a respite through reading both SJT and Poetry Friday blog posts from two different writing communities. I already read Holly's post that provided a look into nature and the word pause.

Still Waters on the Spiritual Journey

It has been a long, lonely walk since my husband passed away on April 2, 2025. It feels as though I walked through valleys flowing with torrents of rain, waiting for a sign that would wash away sorrows. Upon waking, I realized that I dreamed of still waters that framed our summer days on Long Island. 

I remembered those scenes were we talked, dreamed, and felt the freshness of life. Yet remembering is difficult when grief haunts life. In Long Island, I could find still water spots where peace existed each summer. We were able to drive twenty minutes to enjoy carefree days at the beach. We enjoyed both still waters and days of fast rushing waters. As I look back on photos of past summers, I realize that the times of still waters were also filled with spirituality. There was a spirit of peace at the shore as if God was giving us fuel to propel our journey. Even when we experienced challenging, roaring waters, we could move from these faith-shaking events to deal with the issues before us. 

BUT during this year's late winter and early spring, we were tossed, shaken, and left befuddled by the reality of a rare disease that broke down our psychological well-being and dispositions. We needed still waters for spiritual rest. Unfortunately, that did not come readily. On the last day of my husband's life we found the peace he needed. Each member of the immediate family, felt the spirit of the Lord surrounding my husband as he moved from the transport van to the hospice room, a place of peace and spiritual rest. It was there that he laid in the still waters of faith and let his spirit be lifted from this world.

Since the last day, I have searched for ways to relieve anxiety. The well-know Psalm 23 offers a pause that slowly leads me to a new path on the spiritual journey. With that and Leanna Crawford's Still Waters music video, I feel the cool refreshment of spirituality. Listen to the beautiful song, Still Waters, based on Psalm 23.

Oh, the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He leads me by still waters 'til my fears are gone.

☀

☀

I wake to summer dreams that flow like still waters.

Even without you, I know you are with me.

The Lord's scripture remains on my heart

and goodness flows like the creek's water.

©CV, 2o25

 ☀

Today is bright with sunshine. The house is quiet. 

I know that I shall find my way on the Spiritual Journey.

 ☀

I join my Spiritual Journey Thursday host, Karen Eastlund who leads us through the theme "still waters" today. Karen shares a remarkable series of adventures she and her husband enjoyed over the years. Her closing thought is "I can think of nothing more beautiful and life-giving than water". Her photo of the sun setting over the still waters of Minnesota is awesome and calming. Click here to read Karen's Blog and other Spiritual Journey writers' post.

Blossoming on the Spiritual Journey

Welcome to May's Spiritual Journey Thursday!

I enter the lovely month of May with hope, although my heart is filled with grief.

I dedicate today's blog and poems to my husband, Richard, who loved trees blooming with various shades of color, especially our magnolia specimens and the dwarf cherry tree. I patiently watch for more blooming during this month. 

This year, my spiritual journey has felt like a rough road with lots of gravel to step over. Yet, a well-known quote by the Japanese poet Kohayashi Issa gives me hope as I traverse the roads ahead.

A world of grief and pain. Flowers bloom, even then.

Issa's words center on the themes of resilience and hope. Springtime opens the world to beauty despite suffering, sorrow, and world chaos. It is up to me to believe in the nurturing of nature and the power of faith during this time of bereavement. What once was surreal has now become a reality. I know I need to lean on my family and present and past communities of friends for support. Marcel Proust stated that we should "be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." 

Psalm 37:3-5 Tells me to trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  

My heart desires to be calm and be of good faith. When I signed up to host the Spiritual Journey, I felt blossoming would be an appropriate theme for May since it connotes a renewal, a new beginning, and personal growth. I did not think that I would face the sudden death of my husband and go through a period of grief. I understand the future will be difficult without my partner, but I know I must move forward with hope. 

I often write about the beauty of life. For this poem, I decided to find a format that I have not tried. I chose the Japanese kouta poem. According to AI, this poem is "about ordinary life focusing on the beauty and significance of everyday moments and experiences". It contains a quatrain with the syllable count of 7, 7, 7, 5 or 7, 5, 7, 5. 

Somewhere in heaven, you sit

with the blossoming flowers

Please pick a bouquet for me

like you did on earth.

©CVarsalona, 2025, kouta poem

Ramona Behnke, a Spiritual Journey writer, reminded me of a quote I wrote.

"Writing is the opening of my heart to the whispers of my soul."

The above statement is what I feel tonight.

Calmness surrounds me.

I know Richard's suffering is over.

I sit alone, grateful for the gift of writing

Sam Cooke's song, That's Heaven To Me, plays in the background.

"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul."

-Henry Ward Beecher

I send bouquets of gratitude to all of the Spiritual Journey Thursday writers.

You are a truly supportive, faith-filled group.

May we all benefit from the blossoming of nature and

our own personal growth during the merry month of May.

I look forward to reading each person's Spiritual Journey blog post.

Please add your blog below whenever it is ready.

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Navigating Reality - Lament Poem

The days of Lent 2025 have brought me to another phase of my spiritual journey. The urgencies of life have intermingled with the role of caregiving for my beloved husband of 48 years. From mid-February to the first days of April, Richard suffered from a silent disease, a rare type of cancer, a neuroendocrine tumor of the pancreas that metastasized to the liver. His life was filled with celebrations, challenges, and devotion to his family.

Family, neighbors, friends, and the medical care of the Virginia Cancer Specialists helped Richard navigate the reality of his life. As with any cancer disease, there were challenges, sorrows, and a tremendous amount of unease. Faith and hope led me forward as I tried to be a caregiver.

When I heard that my Spiritual Journey community of writers and poets under the direction of Ruth Hersey were writing poems of lament, I knew the Lord was with me. I desired to write but each day as a caregiver left me with little time to write. Thoughts were floating in my head, waiting for spaces of time to let my heart speak on the theme of lament during Richard's and my Lenten journey. The lament format can be found in the Bible Psalms. There are approximately 65 Psalms in the Bible that are poems of lament. These poems express sorrow, grief, pleas for help, and deliverance to God. They address the Lord, share complaints, express emotions, ask for the Divine help, and vow to continue to trust, hope, and praise.

My lament poem narrates the ending days of my beloved husband's life. His quality of life was compromised but through the kindness of the medical teams, family, and friends he found his way to unburden his sorrow. With hope and faith surrounding him, Richard was provided a forever resting place.

Last Days of Richard's Spiritual Journey

In the sterile silence,

Drifting words rose

From the depths of his soul

Into the morning light.

I wish I had four more months!

The ordeal of terminal illness,

Filled his eyes with unquestionable fear.

I prayed seeking answers.

When will this sorrow end, Lord?

Between restless sleep and days

Of not eating or barely drinking,

He whispered to me,

You know what is happening!

My heart broke hearing the truth.

How could I soothe his tattered soul?

Tears continued to flow; inner turmoil

increased. Cancer tore his soul as

Sorrow sneaked into the room

Splitting quiet in half.

Be gentle with your breath!  

Let go of fears!

Repetitive requests to take medicine

were negated. Agitation increased.

Lord, please hear my prayer! 

With haste, an on-call oncologist advised

An emergency hospital visit.

The 911 team responded within minutes.

Uneasiness floated through the air.

Time slipped by as the ravaged body

Fought for some renewed comfort.

The plea to return home became impossible. 

When did months turn into days, Lord? 

Three days later, a transport arrived

For his journey to the hospice center,

A place of serene quiet. Life

Unexpectedly turned a corner.

Tears fell like dewdrops in spring.

The inevitable happened.

Nurses gathered; the chaplain prayed.

The priest performed the last rites.

Hope soared upward on the

Ever-present wings of love.

The hands of the Lord opened

Offering the gift of a forever home.

Praise to you, Lord, for the blessing! 

His spirit ascended into the inked sky.

Draft ©CVarsalona, April 2025

↴ 

life was shortened

unforeseen happening

nature shared its blooms.

©CVarsalona, 2025 photo and poem

Spring awakens its flowers for Poetry Friday at Irene Latham's blog.

Stop by to be dazzled by Irene's poems and many other writers' work.

NOTE: Later today, a Funeral Mass will be held at St. John Neumann Church in Reston, VA. Richard will find his place among the angels and stars.

I will read the roundup blogs when I can.

I add this lament poem to my 2025 National Poetry Month Project.