Life continues to be full of bumps in the road, creating an uncertain journey. Piles of paperwork sit in different rooms, waiting for me to add to the accomplished box. Beautiful sympathy cards with sentiments from family and friends lay in another box. I look through them often. They are reminders that support comes from family and friends. It is quiet in my home now. Loneliness floats through the rooms of our beautiful house, designed together.
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Puffy grey clouds circulating through the morning sky wash away streams of sorrow. Sunshine opens a new day, but the big IF haunts my thoughts. I look for ways to open my heart to the whispers of my soul. I remember the peace found at the beach so with pen in hand, I write a poem for my husband, Richard, centering on the word if.
This month, the Poetry Sisters, Liz Garton Scanlon, Tanita at {fiction, instead of lies}, Laura Purdie Salas, Tricia at The Miss Rumphius Effect, Sara at Read Write Believe, and Mary Lee Hahn, challenged poets to "write in conversation with a vintage photograph". Since I was preoccupied by the sudden, silent, cancerous disease that aggressively attacked my husband and led to his passing, I did not have enough time to plan out a poem that applies to one of my vintage photos. Instead, I kept thinking of my husband and our love of the Long Island beaches near our house. We made memories with family and friends at the South Shore beaches. The above photo shares our days of walking and sitting at the boardwalk. The poem is dedicated to Richard since our last conversation before his passing was short but memorable.
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Thank you to our poet-teacher, Heidi Mordhorst, who is hosting Poetry Friday today. She is honoring the last Friday of National Poetry Month, our community's Kidlit Progressive Poem, and all the poetic goodness that follows at the end of Heidi's blog. Please click here to relax while reading.
Hi Carol, Oh, I feel for you in this beautiful poem. I hope you are doing okay and that the writing of poetry has helped you. I think when someone passes, we all have these thoughts about "what if." I find myself missing my Dad more than I thought I would; the extraordinary amount of time we were able to spend with him during the last 9 months of his life was a gift. And I'm trying look at it that way. Hugs. Stay well, my friend.
ReplyDeleteCarol, Your beautiful poem and photo give me many feelings. Each "if" is more more powerful and perhaps more complicated. I'm glad you are using poetry to help you live with the grief of losing Richard. Here's to being able to find those "...I could" statements. Peace, my friend.
ReplyDeleteDenise, thank you for your comments that make me feel supported. My daughter and I were talking today about how hard grief is. It comes and goes at its own discretion and leaves us empty. My little grandchildren provide peace needed.
DeleteCarol, your poem is beautiful...simply beautiful. IF is a powerful prompt and you take me right to the essence of IF with your stanzas. A park bench overlooking the water is a lovely illustration for this poem. I cannot imagine the work of grief that you are making your way through. Thank you for sharing what you have here. Sending you love from here.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I am so thankful for your comments and friendship. it makes me smile to read the support I receive from you and others. The park bench will be used this summer to remember the wonderful days my family spent walking the boardwalk through each season. Richard wants his ashes scattered at a certain beach at the South Shore.
DeleteThank you for sharing this deeply felt poem, proving how healing and therapeutic poetry can be. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate this new phase of your life.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful poem. Sending you virtual hugs as you continue to navigate all the hard things.
ReplyDeleteSo. so sorry to hear of your loss, Carol. Your poem is powerful and a beautiful tribute to your husband. May you find peace in your memories and the joy your granddaughters bring.
ReplyDeleteRose, thank you for the lovely comment. I smile each time I have a comment from my Poetry Friday friends. Today is a filled with sunshine and warmth so thank you for adding your thoughts to bring me peace. PS: I could not add my comment to your post and am not sure why so here it is: Rose, your gratitude for a beautiful spring tea party is seen in your cherita. The photo is lovely so thank you for leading us to a magical scenario.
DeleteDear Carol, thank you for offering us these lessons in how poetry, how the act of writing, can support grieving. Your last stanza here is so powerfully longing that it could stand alone. Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, thank you for your comment that brings me good cheer this morning. I was pleasantly surprised that my poem arrived as a heartnote to Richard. Writing has always been a way to let my inner thoughts find a home. I remember a reluctant high school student who spent his summer with a non-caring attitude. As an ELA Director, I entered the class trying to help his teacher find a way to coax him to write. The magic prompt that worked was writing about
Deletehis girlfriend. That day made him proud and productive. Writing is a way to gently let the heart open.
Carol, all those what ifs...They're the joy and the sorrow of a writer and poet. Thank you for sharing your broken heart and tender thoughts with us. <3
ReplyDeleteLaura, I thank your for your comment that makes me feel heard. It is important to send my inner thoughts out so I can understand the weight of grief and feel supported. (PS: I could not leave a comment on your blog. I am not sure what is happening to my thoughts but I want you to know that your NPM poems are being read. Congratulating for continuing your project.)
DeleteThank you for visiting my blog, and allowing me to get to know you through your writing. I am so sorry for your loss. But I am enriched and comforted by your writing. Thank you for sharing with us, and for showing how poetry can comfort and repair our hearts.
ReplyDeleteDear Mrs. Davis, thank you for stopping by my blog at the end of April. Here it is the end of May and I have another deep-seated letter to comfort my aching heart.
DeleteWhat open-hearted longing and tenderness, Carol. I'm sending love your way...
ReplyDeleteLiz, I am sorry that I am sending this comment not at the end of April but the end of May. I appreciate your comment and am sending to the Poetry Friday Rounding my version of a conversational poem to my husband (based on the Poetry Sisters invitation to write in May).
DeleteOh, Carol, so many "Ifs" after losing someone so beloved. A writer must write to process the thoughts and the grief. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteKaren, I was just thinking that I have been writing poems when the time is free and I can have quiet time with my thoughts. It is difficult to process my thoughts each day enough to right them down. Stay tuned. I am ready to add my poem inspired by the Poetry Sisters' invitation.
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