Doubt on the Spiriutal Journey

What is on my mind?

Katie Moum, Unsplash

photographer

How does doubt affect me when grief knocks on my door?

At the Poetry Friday Roundup on November 2nd, one of Tricia Stohr-Hunt's lines in her burning haibun prose struck me. "I am only moving, carrying the weight of my own doubt."  I immediately paused to reflect on this thought and evening dreams (sometimes nightmares) that have been burdening me. I knew that I needed to be mindful. A mindful pause led to an intense pondering of my initial question above. With raw thoughts that fell from my heart, I quickly wrote a Golden Shovel poem using Tricia's lines below in italics as my strike line.

What is hiding deep in my soul?

As grief quickly enters and leaves repeatedly,     I

ponder its affect on my daily living.                         Am

I masking my fears and doubts,                                only

spending time worrying and                                    moving

as I try to manage my life that is now                      carrying

the heaviness of each day? Can I accomplish     the

task of handling my loss and dealing with the   weight

of loneliness in this chapter of life? Waves           of

jabbing grief nestle in the depths of                      my

heart. Is there a veil hiding my                                  own  

fragile, plaguing                                                            doubt?

Response to Grief and Doubt

Trees comforts me during the autumn of        life.

Brilliant colors sparkle while sunshine             is

Felt as a warm blessing, not to be                     changed

By grief. So flutter away doubt. Hope will     not

Be extinguished, nor love                                    ended.

©CVarsalona, 2025, free verse poem

     Dedicated to my husband who recently passed away

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Thank you Patricia J. Franz for hosting this month's Spiritual Journey Thursday that focuses on doubt. I also thank you for sharing the insightful article,“The Drawer Where I Keep My Doubts” .

"Doubt, hesitation, unfinished questions, 'small hauntings'—

these aren’t failures of willpower, but the raw material of growth."  -Jeff DeGraff, Professor, author, essayist

Patricia asked an excellent question.

"Where does doubt fit into your spiritual journey?" 

The word, doubt, has been like a seed waiting to grow. It took root long before my husband passed away. It came and went like a roaring storm that gave no warning. Sometimes, it lingered in my mind without me knowing it. Other times, I pushed it aside when I found inspirational thoughts that gave me hope, such as the one below.

And so, friends, I am ready to move on once again, regardless of doubts that I hope to toss away.  I look forward to reading your blog posts on doubt. Enjoy the coming weekend.

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Poetry Friday Friends, I started this week excited to dig deep into my poet-author friend Laura Purdie Salas' upcoming book, Furry, Float, and Fly!  It is a seasonal beauty, and I was ready to write a book review. But as life can throw some bumps in the road, my plans were taken over by grief surrounding me and my friends. I finished my Spiritual Journey blog post with good intentions, but time did not permit it. I hope to finish my review of Laura's fabulous book and have it ready for her publication date, Tuesday. Meanwhile, please visit Laura's welcome to the Poetry Friday Roundup that you can find here at her blog. Enjoy Laura's winter thoughts, NCTE presenter news, and excitement for her book's birthday day. You will also find many blogs that are filled with poetic goodness from Poetry Friday friends.

Exchange Is Creation

The flowers are in full bloom. Who would have thought that my gorgeous calla lilies would bless my garden with a rich color of magenta! A few years ago, I planted calla lilies; they never bloomed. How wonderful to have them lay dormant until this summer! I am grateful for this gift, as I am thankful for poetry friends who offer gifts of carefully chosen words from the heart. 

Once again, Tabatha Yeatts provides the opportunity to swap a poem with a fellow writer during the Summer 2023 Poem Swap. She also shared a quote by Muriel Rukeyser at the onset of the Summer 2022 Poem Swap. Exchange is creation. There is truth in this simple statement. Each poem swap or poetry blog is an artistic expression created from the heart. You will note this in the exchange with my poem swap partners this summer. 

My first exchange is with the talented Marcie Flinchum Atkins, a school librarian, Kidslit author, photographer, and poet. She is also a lover of nature and host of today's Poetry Friday. Stop by to see her gorgeous image poems and sign up to receive gifts of her Poetry Postcards.

Marcie's swap to me are wonderful additions to my garden.

She added a note: Here's hoping you can have a little poetry in your garden.

Did she know that I adore wildflowers and love to watch them bloom as colorful, delicate bouquets.?

wildflowers spring up

shake their pompoms at the crowds

celebrate the rains

©Marcie Flinchum Atkins 2023

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My Response to Marcie

wildflower seeds 

welcome water, sun, and love

whimsical bouquets

to enjoy during summer months

a grateful heart celebrates

©CVarsalona, 2023

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Each month the Poetry Princesses, Tanita, Kelly, Liz, Sara, Mary Lee, Tricia, Laura, and Andi offer a poetry challenge. Since I did not have my offering last Friday, I am adding it to today's Poetry Friday. I love Celia Thaxter's poems so my response is based on one of her quotes. It is the strike line for my Golden Shovel poem, There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart. 

Relax and Renew in Sunkissed Summer

Within deep relaxation, there

should be time for renewal. It shall

awaken your soul to just be

and linger in an eternal,

blissful summer.

Seek peace in

each living moment of the

season. Be thankful for all grateful

happenings that gladden the heart.

©CVarsalona, 2023

As one of the #PoetryPals, I am grateful that the Poetry Princesses include others in their challenge based on their year-long theme of transformation. I wrote the above poem to be aware that summer is the ideal season to find ways to be blissful rather than negative in this confusing world. Transformation of attitude can be a slow process but a rewarding one to look at life with a positive outlook.

🌞

Listen to This Song Will Make You Grateful For Your Life

for a boost of summer joy.

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Join Marcie Flinchum Atkins for today's Poetry Friday, a weekly gift of poetic goodness.

Thank you Linda Baie for this lovely image.

Balancing My Days

The heat is oppressive today but a quick lunch outdoors on my patio brings a new sense of balance. Flowers are popping, spreading their own brand of sunshine while some long for a cool shower from the watering can or a quick rainstorm. I move from air-conditioned rooms to outdoor living, admiring the summer plants, and their vibrant colors.

Returning indoors, I find a new post and challenge, This Photo Wants to be a Poem, by Margaret Simon, in my email. It centers around a mesmerizing, long-ago photo from the Library of Congress' G. Eric and Edith Matson Photograph Collection, titled "The bride" and invites us to write a small poem of 16 words or so.

Still'
  eyes.
Those hands.
This woman knows work.
She is there
gazing into the future
hoping.
Margaret G. Simon, found poem







I chose to write a golden shovel poem, The Young Bride. Look at the ending words of each line to see the strike line, gazing into the future, emerge.

For a moment while gazing,
my eyes wander into
a sea of endless thoughts in the 
desert days of my future.
©CVarsalona, 2020

Turning my thoughts back to a hot day in July when I married, I found a beautiful poem, To Be With One Another, by George Eliot and penned another golden shovel poem. This time, it is for my husband to celebrate another anniversary in our lives.

To Be With One Another

by George Eliot

What greater thing is there for two human souls

than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen

each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow,

to share with each other in all gladness,

to be one with each other in the

silent unspoken memories?

Using the strike line, silent unspoken memories, I wrote the following.

Now I turn my attention to my far-away friend, Ruth Hersey, who is hosting the Poetry Friday Roundup from Haiti. I was excited to gift her with a digital journal, Finding Balance in Troubled Waters. May we all balance our days during our Quarantine Life. Stay safe. Love and Peace to all!

Golden Shovel Fun

“We do not see nature with our eyes, 
but with our understandings and our hearts.”
–William Hazlett

You may have heard the thought, "something borrowed, something new". A golden shovel poem embodies this thought. I am borrowing William Hazlett's quote to create golden shovel poems. On line two of each poem, I have used the first word of the quote, we, as the ending thought of the line and so on. I must admit that this quote presented challenges for me but I am willing to share what I have. If you can offer suggestions, I will honor them. 

While watching the waves sweep to shore, 

my mind reflected on the "we"
of our present lives. Do
we imagine life as a series of challenges, not
noticing the bounty of what we see
from the arms of nature?
Do we only feel with
superficial emotions; are our
sunkissed moments overlooked by weary eyes
searching for dreams fulfilled? But
what if we step back, reflect, and feel with
the depth of our
longings and understandings?
Can we then seek positivity and
tranquility, realizing  our
minds should listen to our hearts?

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 While watching the waves sweep to shore,

A Maureen Gallace oil painting at MoMA PS 1

my mind reflected on the "we"
of our literate lives.  Do
 we imagine classrooms of glitter but do not
dig deep enough to see
the glow of nature
and connected relationships with
our students and colleagues? Is our
instruction unaware of glazed-over eyes
of unengaged learners? But
if this is so, step back and reflect; feel with
the spirit of connected educators. Our
passions and understandings
can be crafted into teachable moments and
delivered to learners. Remember, our
students deserve great teachers with joyful hearts.

🌟

Poetry 
wanders in and out
of churning emotions,
sweeping the sky
while looking for
landing spaces.

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It's time for Poetry Friday. My colleague Jone MacCulloch is hosting today at her blog site, Check It Out. Below are two image poems Jone offered to my #SunkissedSummer Gallery. Thank you, Jone, for hosting and supporting my global gallery. 

REMINDER: I am collecting all submissions for Sunkissed Summer by the end of the month. Here is a tip. In order for me to embed your digital composition in the gallery, it needs to be 450 pixels.