Doubt on the Spiriutal Journey

What is on my mind?

Katie Moum, Unsplash

photographer

How does doubt affect me when grief knocks on my door?

At the Poetry Friday Roundup on November 2nd, one of Tricia Stohr-Hunt's lines in her burning haibun prose struck me. "I am only moving, carrying the weight of my own doubt."  I immediately paused to reflect on this thought and evening dreams (sometimes nightmares) that have been burdening me. I knew that I needed to be mindful. A mindful pause led to an intense pondering of my initial question above. With raw thoughts that fell from my heart, I quickly wrote a Golden Shovel poem using Tricia's lines below in italics as my strike line.

What is hiding deep in my soul?

As grief quickly enters and leaves repeatedly,     I

ponder its affect on my daily living.                         Am

I masking my fears and doubts,                                only

spending time worrying and                                    moving

as I try to manage my life that is now                      carrying

the heaviness of each day? Can I accomplish     the

task of handling my loss and dealing with the   weight

of loneliness in this chapter of life? Waves           of

jabbing grief nestle in the depths of                      my

heart. Is there a veil hiding my                                  own  

fragile, plaguing                                                            doubt?

Response to Grief and Doubt

Trees comforts me during the autumn of        life.

Brilliant colors sparkle while sunshine             is

Felt as a warm blessing, not to be                     changed

By grief. So flutter away doubt. Hope will     not

Be extinguished, nor love                                    ended.

©CVarsalona, 2025, free verse poem

     Dedicated to my husband who recently passed away

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Thank you Patricia J. Franz for hosting this month's Spiritual Journey Thursday that focuses on doubt. I also thank you for sharing the insightful article,“The Drawer Where I Keep My Doubts” .

"Doubt, hesitation, unfinished questions, 'small hauntings'—

these aren’t failures of willpower, but the raw material of growth."  -Jeff DeGraff, Professor, author, essayist

Patricia asked an excellent question.

"Where does doubt fit into your spiritual journey?" 

The word, doubt, has been like a seed waiting to grow. It took root long before my husband passed away. It came and went like a roaring storm that gave no warning. Sometimes, it lingered in my mind without me knowing it. Other times, I pushed it aside when I found inspirational thoughts that gave me hope, such as the one below.

And so, friends, I am ready to move on once again, regardless of doubts that I hope to toss away.  I look forward to reading your blog posts on doubt. Enjoy the coming weekend.

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Poetry Friday Friends, I started this week excited to dig deep into my poet-author friend Laura Purdie Salas' upcoming book, Furry, Float, and Fly!  It is a seasonal beauty, and I was ready to write a book review. But as life can throw some bumps in the road, my plans were taken over by grief surrounding me and my friends. I finished my Spiritual Journey blog post with good intentions, but time did not permit it. I hope to finish my review of Laura's fabulous book and have it ready for her publication date, Tuesday. Meanwhile, please visit Laura's welcome to the Poetry Friday Roundup that you can find here at her blog. Enjoy Laura's winter thoughts, NCTE presenter news, and excitement for her book's birthday day. You will also find many blogs that are filled with poetic goodness from Poetry Friday friends.

Doubt Creeps In

Perhaps, doubt is one of the most menacing feelings to experience in life. It lives within, creeps into our being when we least expect it, and eats away at our positive spirit. Silently it partners with uncertainty and leads to self-doubt. We all have felt it move through the corridors of our being. If not squelched, doubt can lead to fear, mistrust, and questioning. If doubt becomes overwhelming, indecision can follow.

When faced with stressful decisions or situations, I like most people, tend to turn to doubt. I have experienced doubt at all stages of life. When in college, I considered going to graduate school for creative writing after being inspired by a professor who believed in me. Doubt crept in when I realized I needed to publish by the end of the program. Was I going to be able to do that? Were the words inside me potent enough? I was young and unsure of myself so I made the decision to take an alternate route. 

I have let faith guide me through life and whether that early decision was the right one or not, I have moved through the stages of adulthood with words in my heart and avenues to share them. 

Mary J. Blige traces her journey of perseverance and the negation of doubt in her song, Doubt.

Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts?

Luke 24:3 

On Monday, from within the confines of a menacing feeling of doubt, a poem and blog post grew leading me on. You can read that here. When doubt creeps in we need to let go and be guided by faith and belief in the possible.  

Please visit Spiritual Journey Thursday lead by Holly Mueller to read others' perspectives on the topic of doubt.